A Caged Bird's Song: DEI - An Authentic Truth

I know why the Caged Bird Sings – Poem by Dr. Maya Angelou

“The free bird leaps on the back of the wind and floats downstream till the current ends and dips his wings in the orange sun rays and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage can seldom see through his bars of rage his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill of the things unknown but longed for still and his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged bird sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still and his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged bird sings of freedom.”

This 1983 published work of Dr. Maya Angelou – spins off her autobiography same titled-work from 1969. Her description of two varying lives captures the essence of the importance of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI). How so? The answer lies in the lens of understanding how our differences are shaped by the life we each live. I used to wonder as a teenager reading this poem, what were the sounds of the bird's song? As an adult, I now know what it sounds like, a symphonic disaster of booms, shrills of woodwinds, gongs, crash cymbals, and war-like disruption brass instruments. My hope is this article will begin to change the sound of this song into a big-band smooth jazz tune that would make Cab Calloway scat in a white-tailed tuxedo!

Let's rewire the mindest.

Systemic barriers preventing equitable advancement for all needs to be demolished and restructured. I have personally experienced captivity in a workplace cage because of my skin. I have been labeled by my ethnicity “a Black (fill in the blank).” Professional. Marine. Athlete. Drummer. Leader. Man. Executive. Entrepreneur. Writer. Neighbor. The list continues to grow. Each category always leads with “Black.” However, with that label comes a story. A truth. An authenticity. A reality. A human being.

To one bird basking in the freedom of the wind I cannot feel, riding a stream I cannot ride, playing in a water park I cannot dip in, laying under sun rays I cannot bask under – according to this bird, I should just “shut up and dribble” in my cage. To that same bird, my label cages me behind their perceived need for my silence. As a Black cage-labeled Professional, it would be better to hear my subject matter expertise by a free bird that doesn’t look like me, rather than directly from me. As a Black cage-labeled employee, I am good window-dressing on the employee website – in whom the imagery of DEI is met, yet the song I sing is devalued in the workplace. To some free birds, DEI looks like a compliance metric to document, “Yes, we hired one of those…,” as if the zookeeper is making sure they have a full display for the consumers.

To one bird basking in freedom, my Black caged-labeled skin checks the box to pad the free Executive birds’ pockets for bonus metrics of successful DEI programmatic hires. But the song I sing, in their perception, is that of an angry Black-caged bird that should be grateful for space within my cage – without hearing my song. It is the free bird floating down a barrier-less stream that cannot understand why I cannot stop singing of freedom. It is the free bird’s perception that I should learn to enjoy perceived freedom that does not exist for me. Freedom for the caged bird is littered with barriers with the growth capacity of a small circle. Barriers to prevent flight, drown out my singing for freedom and create a more difficult path for an opportunity. To the free bird, my cage does not exist because they are too busy enjoying the sun rays to notice.

This is the reality of DEI. Not everyone enjoys the breeze, stream, sun rays, dip in the water, and the fat worms to eat. You have employees in the workplace singing. Can you hear their song? You have

employees not taking flight. Can you hear their song? You have employees unable to experience fat worms. Can you hear their song? You have employees that do not feel the breeze of equity, equality, and inclusivity. Can you hear their song? Are you listening? Do you see them? We bring more value than a box you have checked. We bring more than your metric. See us. Hear us. Listen to us. Engage us. Grow beyond an invitation to the party by asking us to also dance WITH you, not FOR you. We are not entertainment for you during the times of our National Recognition dates. We are the modern-day voices to be celebrated as we stand on the shoulders of our respective caged birds that came before us.

Our wings are not broken. The perception some have of our cages is actually the fabric of our greatness. The DNA of our resilience. The essence of our excellence. Guess what? We can float on the rivers of water too!

Other forms of cages are systemic practices and policies established in the workplace. They include dilemmas such as listening to your vendors providing you the exact same answer you didn’t want to trust hearing from your subject matter experts. Questioning natural hairstyles. Discriminatory dress-codes that could cause a person wearing religious or cultural attire to feel like they cannot bring their whole self to work. Failing to allow the existence of Employee Resource Groups where employees can have a safe place to be themselves among their peers. Suppressing the creative ideas of those who do not look like you. This list could go further.

While I am unable to speak on the questions in the minds of my professional peers that are women, LBGTQ+, or ethnic groups different than mine, I can speak for myself as a Black professional. The one glaring question many Black professionals inherently contend with is, “Why do WE have to work twice as hard to PROVE we are WORTHY of our title, business, compensation, position, seat at the table - just for the same level of respect as our White peers (as if that is the standard of excellence to reach)?”

 Here is a challenge I have faced directly as a Black professional - it is my authentic and organic truth (respect my vulnerable space):

Here I  sit writing this article, a three-time Marine combat veteran with nearly 15 years of highly-decorated military service to my country, including travels to over 30 countries and four continents. I hold 23 certifications obtained over the last 10 years. I didn't realize it until a few weeks ago when I made scanned copies of them. I hold three well-respected continuing education designations in my career and industry. In 2014, I only had a high school diploma; however, I am now at the cusp of Doctorate Candidate in 2021, preparing to argue my dissertation in early 2022. I own two small side-businesses currently (EM3 Coaching and J.T. SALEM) and about to launch a third later this year. I am a father of eight children with one a college grad – Army soldier – and musician, two incredible medical professionals, one pursuing a college degree in music, with the younger four showing their passion for social justice, creative and performing arts, and STEM-ready intelligence. I am the recipient of almost 50 awards in approximately 25 years. I am listed in The 2012 Who's Who of Black Cleveland - thanks to a Black Executive in my organization being honored in that publication, and recently a Risk Professional of the Year Nominee in my industry – that was blocked by a previous employer from receiving the award. I was nominated to be on two national career professional affiliation Boards - also blocked by a previous employer. There are several other accolades and evidenced-based metrics of my success over the years. Yet, with all of that on my resume – several (not all) White professional leaders have put barriers to prevent my advancement and attempt to control the narrative of my character through minimizing my credentials, performance, or capabilities.

Now, for the sake of some of you graciously reading this, I do not list these things to boast, because it is my reality. Those who know me are aware of my level of humility. I am constantly learning from others and paying-it-forward to my mentees. However, if this were the resume of one of my White-male peers they would be lauded as an American hero, incredible father and family man, go-getter, C-Suite Executive, CEO, and red carpets lying at his feet everywhere he goes, rewarded a strong six-to-seven-figure income with bonuses. However, because I am Black FIRST, the narrative has been: there is no way I did all of this, or I am being ambitious, still not good enough, or other terms to minimize my body of work. There is an excuse to make these evidence-based results meaningless. There is always a “Yeah, but…” I have had my character slandered by some (not all) White professionals leaders for the singular-purpose to black-ball me or create systemic barriers to hold me back from success or advancement. Even one employer blatantly refused to provide any resources to support my department’s success from having human, technological, or financial capital. Meanwhile, my White peers received anything they wanted for their departments. I was labeled underperforming even though I constantly provided evidence or work-overload and justified the need for a few simple resources. Instead, more work was piled on to me and I was given six written warnings over 10-month period. Prior to this, I had ZERO performance disciplines IN MY CAREER. This type of story is, unfortunately, not exclusive to me.

This is the walk many other Black professionals have to take on our journey. This is the type of Racial Battle Fatigue Black Professionals have to carry. These are the challenges systemically-nondominant have to fight. Most of us are experiencing it and singing, but the free birds (systemically dominant) do not know WHY we sing. There is so much evidence in statistical data to support the challenges facing DEI issues in the workplace. 

For example, On my MaxCapacity Podcast, I shared that only approximately 25% of the U.S. lawmakers in Congress and the Senate are women. While this is occurring, only 8% of Fortune 500 companies have women CEOs and only four of the Fortune 500 CEOs are Black. In the aviation industry, there are over 5000 federally regulated commercial airports in the U.S.; however, the percentage the number of Airport CEOs, Airport Managers, and Airport Directors leading them that are Black (or other minority classifications) or female is in the single digits. I could go industry-by-industry and the numbers would be very similar. This is why the caged bird sings. Can you hear their song?

WE need all (not some) of our White peers in decision-making positions to support the removal of the Good-ol'boy/gal work environments and develop an inclusive WE-centric work environment where people can come do the most incredible work of their lives. The narrative needs to be re-told by the people on the journey, not by proxy from someone that is clueless about the cages. How do we allocate our dollars to small, minority, and women-owned enterprises (SMWBEs)? Do the percentages of the demographics of each state align with the percentage of funding allocations for SMWBEs? The solution-purposed dialogue needs to occur. As I mentioned to an Elected-Official recently, the most essential part of that conversation needs to be “the right people in the room, talking about doing the right thing the right way.”

To be continued…

EM3

Click here to Contact me or email me at info@iamem3.com

Visit my website: www.iamem3.com 

Unlock Your Potential

As we embark upon 2021, so many things have evolved in our lives. Dealing with a global pandemic, being out of work for some, struggling with financial challenges, racism peaked at an all-time high in January - here we are. There is an impeachment underway. There is a new President. The COVID-19 virus is evolving. We have already lost some major icons this year such as the incomparable Cicily Tyson, MLB icon - Hank Aaron, Larry King - the REAL Mr. Microphone of our time, Mary Wilson of the Supremes, and Chick Corea - legendary Jazz Artist. The New year has come in kicking the door in to start competing with what was 2020! 

There is much focus on the many societal issues, have we remembered to set our goals? I didn't forget mine, but I was challenged by the illusion of time to write them down. It's already halfway through February. I typically make it a ritual to have my goals set by the third week of January including plans. While I have plenty of ideas swirling in my head, the goals and plans need to be written, or they only remain dreams. 

My campaign slogan for 2021 is "Unlock Your Potential." The only way the ideas will get out of my head is by unlocking them. It made me realize that it is me, not anyone else, holding me back right now. The ideas, goals, dreams are locked in my head. The Plans - locked in my head. The actions - locked inside of me. Sometimes we have to learn to get out of our own way! We can use the illusion of time management, or even the numerous activities of life as an excuse. However, we cannot elude the fact that we control both our time and the activities. 

I once told my late father, "We have time for what we make time." That is true. We make time or room in our lives for so many things. We all have the same 168 hours a week. How we carve the pie is our decision. Ask yourself, are you locking up your potential by not MAKING time? Are you blocking your own ability to achieve greatness by failing to make room for achieving your greatest feats in life? This year has already shown us through our icons, we can do the incredible. But it also shows we do not live forever. We can begin to make this world a better place with our gifts locked inside of us like those icons did. They have now moved over to make room for your potential to be unlocked. 

The question is, will you make time to unlock them? 

#UnlockYourPotential! 

It Ain't Easy, But - It's Worth It!?

Let's face it - we are too sensitive these days. But listen, the same as I welcome you to my blog and you can feel safe to bring your whole self to this domain and relax, I would be remiss if I held back how I feel right now. Don't be offended by what I am about to say, mainly my religious followers - I mean no offense. However, the lies they told us about striving for your goals is a bunch of bullshit! This is not easy at all!

Now that I have your attention...

Listen, you have greatness inside of you! Period! Leave no doubt that you are an incredible person. You are not defined by your failures. You are defined by your ability to bounce back from failure. We fail or way to success. A toddler falls its way into walking. Every time a little child learning how to walk falls, they cry sometimes. They lay there and put for a minute sometimes. Sometimes they may even really hurt themselves. But you know what... Every time they get back up and try again! 

We have gotten older and forgot to get up! Oh, you WILL fall! That is a given. It's your "get up" that defines your character. I have not made time to write over the last three years. I have been growing. I can sit here and write about all of the wonderful things that have happened to me since I last wrote to you. I could be ridiculously positive and tell you how I have traveled over 100,000 miles in the last three years. I have been around the land now known as the United States two or three times. I have started my doctorate after completing my Masters in Business Psych, with a focus on Cognitive and Behavioral Neuroscience.  I have been a part of multiple panels and Boards. I have served as Chair, Vice-Chair, and as a member on critical Boards. I have been a part of three synthesis projects for the aviation industry. I achieved three of the five certifications I have always wanted. I graduated twice and also had three of my kids to graduate from both college and high school. I moved to two incredible trendy cities, according to society. I have made incredible friends. I bought a home and two new vehicles. I planted a raised-bed garden with over nine different vegetables. I made incredible new friendships and the business network exploded into a global presence. I have done speaking engagements across this country over the last three years in DC, Chicago, New Orleans, Las Vegas, Portland, OR, LA, Baltimore, Miami, Atlanta, Nashville, Seattle, Boston, and more. I make more money than I have ever made in my life. I started two podcasts. I started another business. I'm about to buy my second home. OK! OK! Ok... so many more great things to focus on and write about here... YAY ME! 

But you know what - Woop-dee-doo! What does it all mean? I am living out things I dreamed of doing. I still have more on the list of goals. However, I get some of them done, and you know what - I find myself always wanting more. When does it stop? Better yet, when does satisfaction start? The Biblical question runs through my mind - "What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?"

During this same time of achieving these incredible things, However, I have faced challenges at a whole new level. I have been faced with incredible racism in the workplace. I have had arguments with organizational leaders for how they treat people. I have lost several relationships with family and friends. I've been almost evicted and had repossessions. I have had utilities turned off for non-payment. I gained almost 30lbs. My PTSD and anxiety have been off the charts. I have cried in frustration in front of my boss because I was so enraged at the mistreatment. I don't sleep well at night. I failed classes and course work. I withdrew from classes this summer because there was too much pressure from all sides. I have had major challenges with family relationships. 

No! It ain't easy, but it's worth it! Is it? Is it really? This is where I am right now. I love positive energy. But does being positive mean I have to have all of these possessions? Does it bring me happiness to travel like I have? I have been to over 30 countries and 46 states. It's taught me a lot. But - what am I missing if I face stress daily? What am I missing if I cannot process the anger I feel dealing with horrible people. If the Law of Attraction exists, where are all of the positive people and why are so many hateful people around me? 

I have realized another Law within the Law of Attraction. Not only do you attract like minds and kindred spirits in people, but the negative people will see your light too and will gravitate their darkness around you. No one told me that! People have made it seem like this life of success will be sunshine and rainbows! Now, while these people are not in my circle because I put them there, they have been placed there. So guess what, you will have unwanted guests in your life trying to screw things up for you! I believe in "Still I Rise" by the Late Dr. Maya Angelou. I believe in the "By Any Means Necessary" per Malcolm X. I believe I have "Overcome" some things as Dr. Martin Luther King dreamt I would. I believe in the "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" Dr. Stephen Covey thoroughly documented. I believe I can "Brave the Wilderness" as Dr. Brene Brown encouraged me to do! But damn, these negative people get on my nerves, I am still not happy! 

I think about Robin Williams and how he shocked the world by committing suicide. We sit back and think, "He has the world in his hands! How could he feel so alone in this world as much as we loved him and take his own life?" Anthony Bourdain of CNN was traveling the world and going to some of the coolest places in the world. He met incredible people and the experiences he had were not enough to let him know we appreciated him and needed him with us. Amy Winehouse sang our hearts happy with her incredible voice and beauty - but yet, substances took control of her life that was cut too short for her followers. 

So back to my earlier questions... Is "it" (success) really worth it? What does it profit us in the end? Does being positive mean being successful? Does being successful mean you're happy? Does chasing your dreams give you everything you ever wanted? If so, then why do we keep wanting more? 

I was asked this question and it left me speechless. "What are you chasing? What do you really want?" I was asked this question two months ago and I still do not have an answer. I have goals. I have plans. I know exactly what I am working towards. But the question always comes - "What's next?" Therefore, what exactly am I after? What do I really want? After we get our basic needs, according to Maslow, of food, water, warmth, rest, safety, security, friendship, sex, esteem, and accomplishment - what else do we want? Self-Actualization is next. This is the fulfillment of our greatest potentials that lie dormant in each of us. I told you, you have greatness inside of you, leave no doubt! You have a passion burning inside of you - without question. Your greatness and passion have NOTHING to do with material possessions! Your greatness and passion attract like minds and kindred spirits. But beware! They also attract darkness in other people! Do yourself a favor. Take an inventory of the people in your life. Do an inventory of what you have accomplished and failed at over the past 3 years. Write it all down. Who's new in your life? Do they add value or suck the life out of you with their negative ways? 

Once you complete this task, circle everything that needs to change immediately! Get it out of your life. Then, highlight everything that needs to go but will be more of a challenge. Plan your exit strategy to get them out of your life. These items make take a little longer but make a plan anyway. In the meantime, find ways to search your inner being. Give yourself a physical, mental, and emotional hug every day. Look in the mirror every morning and say these words out loud, "I really really love YOU!" 

Be open about the darkness around you. But, give more time to the light. Recognize this, we are surrounded by darkness. Space is dark. Light emanates from the heat and fire on the inside of the sun. But, the sun is suspended in darkness. Without a solid matter in space, the sun has nothing to shine upon every day - except darkness. It would just be a ball of fire surrounded by darkness. Therefore, shine anyway and find the "matter" in your life to shine upon  - despite the darkness being so dark around you - shine-on! 

No, it ain't easy, but it's worth it! It really is worth it! 

Be magnificent!

EM3

www.iamem3.com 

I'm Back!

I'm back! Yes! Took a sabbatical to make some transitional moves in my life. What a journey it has been. I have learned so much and over the next several blogs, there will be an outpouring of the things I have learned along the way to share with you! But right now...

Let's talk about how to trim the fat! No, not the physical weight you carry. There is other weight in your life you need to trim. This is a different type of well-being. We all carry certain things in our lives whether it is thoughts, emotions, people, dreams, goals, and more. The key is to make it healthy weight. It is fine to have people in your life, just make sure they are positive. Why? People are a great piece of the weight we carry. We are around people almost all day, every day. Negative people will drain you. They absorb too much of your time, energy, and mental capacity.

Here are the issue with those three categories. You can never recover your time once it is gone. Energy, once it is released is also gone. You may create new energy, but what you exhausted is gone forever. Mental capacity is stored through our five senses. Once something enters your mid, it is there for ever. Therefore, let negative people go from your life. There are those people we cannot cut completely out of our lives with their negativity. The best way to handle this is to allow them to be who they are while protecting yourself from their negativity. How? Limit the interaction to ways you can handle and then move on in order to salvage the relationship. Meanwhile, you limit and then eliminate them from your inner circle so you can have peace of mind.

People say opposites attract. It is also said, negative and positive people attract each other. This would be true if we were magnets. However, we are not. We vibrate on frequency levels. If someone is not on our frequency, the waves they emit will not coincide with yours and this will push you two away from each other. You don't have to respond to your haters! They are not on your frequency anyway!When frequencies contrast, they do not go well together and push in the opposite direction, unlike magnets.

We are drawn to people by certain characteristics we like. However, they may have several areas in their life we do not like. If the things we like are powerful, it will outweigh those characteristics in them that are contrary. Be mindful of this because you can find yourself taking on more emotional distress than happiness. The key is, how important is your happiness? What are you willing to sacrifice for your peace of mind? That decision is yours. Make it wise.

I've missed doing these blogs. I look forward to reconnecting and sharing with you my life lessons. Until next time... be magnificent!

Why Are You Holding on to It?

Every year, regardless of where you are located, there is always some form of climatic change. Nature just seems to be on a systematic clock that in order to transition and evolve into something different, it must embrace it. Every year, new life is developed and older ways are passed. The trees change colors and then eventually, nature takes course and the trees must let the leaves go. The tree will sit barren for months until new buds grow.

Now look at your life. Do a full analysis of each commodity that is of importance to you. All of your values, activities, people, career, education, and anything else you do in your life. What dead weight are you lugging around? What are you holding on to that is of no use anymore. Think of the leaves in the fall. They look beautiful at first as the colors change. But, they're dying. The look nice on the outside but on the inside they are whithering away. Soon they will all become brown.

Things in your life may look good on the outside but on the inside they are rotting. Relationships have gone bad. You smile, love, laugh, and then go to bed in tears. You sit and wonder why are things like this? How come you can smile one minute but yet you're hurting to your core. Your career is stagnant. You go to work and you give your all daily. Yet, you feel unappreciated, disavowed, and stonewalled. You adorn yourself in decent clothes. You keep yourself well groomed and manicured. Yet, your health is declining beneath you because your body just can't process foods like you used to when you were younger. A flight of stairs has you out of breath.

It can easily feel like life around you is crumbling. On the outside, the facade looks beautiful, but the inside is deteriorating day-by-day. How do you fix this? How do you stop carrying this load? Well guess what? It's the season of change. This is the season of transformation. You have to let go. Let go of the negatives that have decayed your life. Just as the trees let go of the leaves, you need to let go of the careers, the family, the friends, the relationships, the bad foods, the unhealthy lifestyle, and the activities that do not add value to your life. If you fail to let go of what is decaying, you will be destroyed from the inside to the outside.

How do you let go, especially if it's family? Sometimes letting go is not a physical disconnection. I encourage you to work on your marriages and relationships with your kids, parents, siblings, etc. Are their friends that treat you better than some family members? Yes. But at the end of the day, they're still family. So, how do you cutoff family? Some cases, letting go is not physically. It's emotionally. You have to allow yourself to emotionally fall like a leaf. Does that mean you no longer love or care about that person? No it doesn't. You are going through a season. The tree is still a tree even in the winter time. It will produce leaves again for hundreds of years. Your companion is still your companion, but the emotions have fallen off for a season. Create a new season. You both have to be on board with your new season. Process why things have fallen off in your "winter" and then establish how the "spring" will become.

What about your career or other areas. You have to do the same thing, detach and then process over the winter season of that activity. Then decide how the spring will be. What will you make it look like? For example, at the house you may decide to plant a new flower bed, make a garden, redo the landscape, or some other home improvement project. Well, I challenge you to take on a Life Improvement Project and begin to see how to make your life flow with new life.

You need to look at everything. Are you happy? Why not? What makes you happy? Plant the seeds of those things to make you happy. It's about you and that's ok. You have made life about other people. Unhappy people cannot make others happy. You don't have it in you. So, make yourself happy first and others around you will be happy by you. Dead plants do not make you smile, lively colorful ones do. Make a lively colorful YOU and everyone will enjoy it. Take advantage of this off season to spring up bold and beautiful as the season changes in your life!

It's time to plant new seeds and bring about blossoms of new harvests in your life!

Contact me for more info. I thank you for sharing this blog!

I Had a Conversation with Myself

Words are powerful things. There is a physical substance embodied within the seeds of our words. Words can destroy a person, start a war, display love, provide praise. How we use those words make the difference in our lives. Some people use words to talk them right out of a dream or goal they truly desire.

As we go through our lives, there are plenty of people speaking negatively about us. Everyone is a critic. We spend more time on others than we do for ourselves. Incorporate social media and we can easily grow the number of critics exponentially. Strangers will even chime in to render their opinions on things when they don't even know you!

But forget everyone else. What do you say when you talk to yourself! I hear people say all of the time, "I'm my biggest critic!" Really? You are? I beg to differ. I think the masses of people mounted against you are your biggest critics. I have never heard anyone say, "I'm my biggest cheerleader!" I'm my number one fan!" Now, not only is everyone else a critic in your life, the remaining person you had to rely on for positivity is also your biggest critic, YOU!

What do you say when you talk to yourself? Do you daily remind yourself what you want to be when you grow up? Do you praise yourself for being positive? Do you put stickers on a calendar everytime you do a task correctly? Do we say wonderful things about ourselves like, "You are beutiful." "You are such a wonderful person." "I love my hair just lie this." Great job today at work!" "I'm glad I was very productive today. I got a lot done! Great job!" No, we don't!

But I bet you that you remind yourself of every blemish, roll, wrinkle, mistake, foolishness, and failure. Learn to speak positive words into your life. You have the ability in you to do great things. You are not a mistake. You are not a failure. You are not a loser. Therefore, do not even focus on those things. Why focus on something you know you are not. You're not trying to fail. No one wakes up and says, "Well, let me go be a loser today!"

Focus on where you are going and what you want to be, not where you don't want to be. You can spend so much time trying NOT to be something that you end up becoming that very thing. Why? Because your thoughts of not being something magnetized you right to it. When you expand your way of thinking, you can expand your vision. When you expand your vision, you must expand your vocabulary . When you expand your vocabulary you have the ability to speak power into your life. Its not about NOT failing, it's about winning! It's not about NOT making it. It's about achiving it! It's not about NOT having a degree, it's about getting it! Change your words! Empower yourself with your self-talk! Now, what are you going to say when you talk to yourself?

Self-Discovery Pt. 5 (The Finale)

The past week, I have taken my personal inventory of what we have started along this journey. Although this is the end of this article, it will not be the end of the journey. There is only so much I can review in this blog forum with you. I have so much more I want to share with you regarding the journey you are taking to find yourself. My hope is that this will get you started along the way. We have reached the final two stages that will be discussed in this article. We will review all of the stages at the end.

SUPPORT SYSTEM

We do not go through life alone. You may feel alone at times, but we are not truly alone. Someone is on the other end doing something for us. It could be the mailman delivering mail, the service workers for the utility company doing their jobs so we have power and heat. Maybe it is the doctor and nurse studying hard to provide you great medical care. There are police out there patrolling that keep the other person driving at the speed limit to avoid an accident with you. It's the school teacher spending money out of their personal budget to bring in supplies to help you have a great education. It's the boss on the job teaching you how to be successful in the workplace. Maybe it's the companion that made you a meal while you were sick or the child that keeps a smile on your face when you are upset.

Many people play a role in our lives and sometimes we think we are so alone, but we are not by ourselves. We are surrounded by others supporting us. Some people are direct support while others are indirect. In addition to those two groups of individuals, you also have the most important support system, YOU! You are the most important person to your success. Without believing in yourself and trusting, taking risks, working diligently then you would never make it.

We must recognize others in our lives supporting us. Now, if you do not have people in your primary circle of concern, you need to find them. This is important. You do not want to have "yes-man" type of people. You need contrast. You need people who will disagree with you, not to be negative, but that will say "No, that's not a good idea and here's why." They will also be people that will provide you with new perspectives. Do not think all of the answers are in your head. No one person knows everything. The moment you think you have all of the answers is the moment failure begins. Have people you can seek counsel, lend an ear, and provide the hindsight you need. Surround yourself with people which are headed in the same direction or already where you want to be.

You will have to distance yourself from people who do not add value to your life. Unfortunately, some of the will be close friends and even family. If there is no value being added to your life through them, distance yourself. In addition, anything in your life that is not supporting your journey, cut it off and remove it from your life. This will be difficult because at times, they will be the things you hold dear or that provide you with comfort.

WHY

Finally, what is your why? This could mean so many things, being such an open-ended question. The focus I want you to hone in on is what is driving you? What is your purpose? Why do you want it? In order to know deeply who you are is to search deep within your soul and find your why! Without having a why, you will just lay there in bed drowning in sorrows. Your why gets you out of the bed! Without having a why, you will suffer with depression. Your why motivates you and keeps you focused and inspired. You cannot be motivated and depressed at the same time. It is impossible. That would be like salt and fresh water coming out of the same spigot. Either you are motivated because of your why or you are depressed because of the lack thereof.

How do you discover your why? Ask yourself why you are doing something. Work. School. Business. Church. Mentoring. Why do you think you are doing those things? Now, remove anything tangible like people, money, degree, etc because tangible reasons can fade away. Your kids will get older, then what? You might make plenty of money, then what? You can obtain the degree, then what?

Now, ask yourself again, Why?? The only thing left should be an intangible like character, divine calling, a purpose, or added intangible value to your life. If you have no intangible reason, then sorry, but I question why you are doing it too. If what you are doing has no WHY, stop doing it! Immediately! Just, stop it now! You are doing something that has no purpose, no reason, value. You need at least one of those three to establish a why.

For example, I used to workout then stop, then workout, and stop again. It was cyclical. So, I decided to put some races and other activities on my calendar throughout the year. I figured, if I have something I am working towards, that will keep me motivated. Guess what, it worked. I had a why. It was due to preparing for a race. Well, the following year, I did not sign up for any races. Guess what, I did not workout all year! Your why, cannot be a tangible. It must be intangible. Your why must be for a greater innate purpose that wakes you up and gets you out of the bed every morning.

Do a deeper soul searching to discover your why, It must be as vital as the air you breathe.

In summary, the following stages of this article series are:

1. Defining values

2. Desired outcomes

4. Identification of emotions

5. Honing in on behavior

6. Alignment behaviors with your vision

7. Having a clear picture of your vision

8. Areas of Importance

9. Support System

10. Why

I hope this has helped you. Remember, your journey is just beginning. Please go back and read the series again. Please share this blog series with your friends, family, loved ones, and colleagues. I look forward to hearing your success stories. Leave your testimonial in the comments or send me an email. Feel free to contact me for a more in depth coaching session.

Now, find yourself before you lose yourself!