Self-Discovery Pt. 2

Well my friends, we have come to the next checkpoint on our journey. In Part 1 of this article we discussed steps you need to take in order to begin this quest. I will not reiterate much from the previous article. Please read Part 1, if you haven't already because this will build in stages. This is a progressive article and therefore you will not be able to jump in at any point. You can find the first article here: http://hour22.blogspot.com/2017/01/self-discovery-pt1.html.

I hope you have made your lists by now. I will not quiz you on what you placed on your list. It's for you to kow who you are and recognize yourself. This is about "self-discovery" therefore, I do not want you to be concerned with the perspectives of other people. This is not "who do men say that I am?" This is more about "who do YOU say you are?" Now that you have defined yourself and stated where you want to be, how did you get here?

This is the only time we will back-track. I do not want to spend time talking about the past which cannot be changed. You need to focus on your future. So, quickly let's take a look back.

IDENTIFICATION

Over the past, let's say, three years what type of emotions have you displayed? Have you been in any deep arguments? Who were they with and why did they occur? Did you help anyone during the last three years without being asked? How has your financial wellness been over the last three years? Everyone has bills to pay for something but, were you understanding in your payments that you have to exchange money for services anyway or were you frustrated you had to pay them? How have things been at work? What's the atmosphere like? How are your bosses and coworkers? If you have a business, how is the business doing? What about your health? Are you content with your weight? Nutrition? Medical? Are you in a relationship? How has that been going the past three years? Kids? Are you a student? How are your grades?

Why am I asking these questions? These are some of the areas that are external which lead to internal stress or happiness. Rarely do you find people that look within themselves to find joy. Rarely do you find people who are self-aware. Do you know your triggers for negative and positive emotions in your life? What makes you happy? Payday? Your kid's concert? Seeing that you lost weight? Seeing the smile on someone's face that you helped? What makes you angry or stressed? Having more month than money? Business not succeeding as expected? Health fading? Be honest. Do you have a time clock in your head when you wanted to be married, have kids, have a business, have a degree, reach a goal and it hasn't happened yet?

Friends, that will lead you right to where you are today. These are the tough questions we must ask ourselves. Be real with yourself. Tears may run down your eyes as you sit and think, "Wow, I REALLY haven't done the things I said I would do." It can lead to another state of being, depression. Then low self-esteem and self-image creep into your mind. Listen, it's okay. No, really! It's ok now. Why? Because, now you see it when you didn't see it prior.

HONING

That's enough about the past. Dry your eyes. Set your Life's GPS to where we are going now!

Take out your list of defining words from Part 1 of this article. Now, let's look over your homework assignment. We need to hone in on the adjectives used to describe yourself. I want you to circle the positive adjectives. Then, take the negative ones that remain and write next to it the antonym of that adjective. For example, if you put "mean" write "kind" next to it, and so on down the list of negatives. Why are we doing this? I do not want to focus on how to overcome the negative adjectives. Whatever you focus on that's where your energy goes. So, trying NOT to be something will in turn cause you to actually become that very thing.

Growing up, my late father used to be very argumentative with my mom, or anyone else in the room, especially if he had been drinking. He also didn't spend a lot of quality time with me and my siblings. I recall always wanting my dad to be at special events but would look in the crowd and he wasn't there. I fouhgt so hard as an adult to not be that way. I remember always saying, I will never be verbally abusive to people. I will always make sure I am there for my kids. Guess what, I became, and still struggle with being argumentative at times. However, I was always there for my kids, until... I missed one of my daughter's games where she was cheering. I was so distraught. But then I missed another, and another, then the other kids' performances. I looked back at pictures of them and I wasn't in them. Reality slapped me in the face! I was trying so hard not to be like my dad in that way that I was slowly becoming two of the characteristics I swore not to become.  Now, I focus on being myself, rather than NOT being someone else.

That's what I want you to do. Hone in on the positive traits about yourself. Cancel out the negative traits with positive ones. I am not going to have you try NOT to be negative Ned or Nancy. I am going to have you model positive Paul or Paula. Think about those traits and when you displayed them. Think about how you feel when you use those qualities. For example, Think about a time you were running late. For some, that's daily! Why? Why can you be on time sometimes, but not all the time? If your adjective was tardy, change it to timely. Now, in order to become timely, you have to look at how you schedule your day. Don't cram so many things in before you have to leave. Take into account traffic lights, accidents, and school buses. Ever leave on time for work and get stuck behind a school bus? Worst thing ever! You see it turn in front of you and in slow motion you're like "Noooooooo!!!!" Well guess what, the bus is on a schedule. Next time leave earlier or go another way. Maybe you need to go to bed earlier to give yourself more time in the morning to get prepared. Get things ready at night. Prep the kids, if applicable, what the routine will be in the morning. Know alternative routes and be prepared for traffic issues out of your control. Problem solved.

Now, go through each one of your positives and do the same thing we just did. Identify the steps you take to become that characteristic. What are the behaviors associted with that description. If you say you're caring, what behaviors have you displayed that equate to a caring you? Your list should now show "Trait (or Adjective)" on one side and the next column "Behaviors" that correspond with that adjective.

Your next assignment will be to complete this list of behaviors all the way through your list of positive adjectives, including the ones you replaced the negatives.

Part 3 of this journey will continue in the next article. Looking forward to continuing this path with you! Get your homework done!

Questions or comments, please leave them below.